The Hills Aftershow

The Hills Aftershow has the most annoying hosts on the planet, especially the girl. The guy is the son of the funny dad from American Pie. Lauren was embarrassed when asked about the British guy -- that was a tacit admission that she slept with him.

Big Brother 8: Jameka and Jen on the Block

This episode of Big Brother is the one where Amber cried a lot. No, I'm sorry, that's every episode. Please, put us out of our mercy and evict her. Amber convinced herself that she had a vision from God telling her she would win the Golden Power of Veto and be taken off the block. She didn't win, but Daniele took her off and put up Jen in her place. Daniele and Amber will travel to New York to be on The Power of 10 gameshow with Drew Carey. Unless you've been living under a rock, you know this is a new gameshow on CBS. Even with Tivo, there is no getting around the nonstop ads for the show.

Will Temptation Island Return?

Unfortunately, there aren't any plans to revive Temptation Island.

Amazing Race Won't Return Until 2008

The next installment of The Amazing Race has already been filmed, but it won't air until 2008.

Tonight's "The Hills"

Spencer follows up his huge, ugly mural on the wall of the apartment with a vintage game of Centipede. Heidi says those are decisions that should be made together, and Spencer responds that they're "surprises." Justin-Bobby is a total a** to Lauren at drinks, burping loudly at the table also. Audrina writes it off, saying, "But when you look at him do you say, 'there goes a gentleman'?" Heidi finally sacks up and paints over Spencer's beloved mural. Spencer looked like he was about to dismember her for that.

See the poll on the right. Who is a bigger loser -- Spencer or Justin-Bobby? I can't decide for sure. I guess I'll go with Justin-Bobby because Spencer at least (presumably) showers more frequently.

I watched this show live rather than on Tivo, and I have to say, MTV's commercial breaks are unwatchable, more than regular tv.

Paris Hilton to Star in Celebrity Big Brother in UK

Paris Hilton is reportedly landing a $600,000 deal to star in the UK's celebrity version of Big Brother.

K-Fed to Star on One Tree Hill

One Tree Hill is sliding further downhill. K-Fed (Kevin Federline) has signed on to guest star on the show.

The Next Bachelor: Texas Bar Owner Brad Womack

The next Bachelor is Texas bar owner Brad Womack. He owns the bar in Austin where the Real World Austin cast went all the time.

Cease and Desist Letter Over Big Brother Airplane Banners

Big Brother had its lawyers send a cease and desist letter to the operator of an airplane banner advertising company demanding that it stop flying banners over the Big Brother 8 house.

Amber and Jameka on the Block

To no one's surprise, Daniele put Amber and Jameka on the block this week. Daniele says that Jen is her real target, so look for her to be put up as a replacement if Amber or Jameka are taken off after the POV competition. This time, Daniele's HOH room did not have any pictures of her boyfriend. There was an old picture of E.D., who ridiculed his old hair. Odd, because his current hairdo isn't the best either. Daniele had a love note from Nick, complete with glitter, sparkles and highlighting, straight from 4th grade. Amber constantly asks people in the house what simple everyday words mean. She must have really fried her brain on drugs.

Geek Gets Tattoos of Favorite Bloggers

Unbelievable. Feel free to tattoo Reality TV News Blog anywhere you want to.

Real World Sydney

The Real World Sydney cast is southern and slutty. Dunbar and Cuhotta are southern guys. Isaac is an ex-convict -- can't wait until the girls find out they're living with a criminal. Trisha, Shauvon and KellyAnn are slutty girls, and Parisa is an uptight Iranian girl. Breaking with tradition, this season does not have a black and a gay. In a weird hookup, Isaac and Shauvon hooked up in the confession room. It went far enough that he had his trousers down. Trisha has already decided to take a break from her U.S. boyfriend -- gee, I didn't see that coming -- since when do Real Worlders take breaks from their girlfriends/boyfriends while filming the show? Her eyebrows are very strangely plucked. Trisha and Shauvon go out with two Aussie guys. Parisa gets so loaded off of two drinks that Dunbar has to carry her home over his shoulder. The girls get in a senseless fight because Trisha is on the computer non-stop waiting for an e-mail from the boyfriend she just told she wanted a break from, as if that is the most important thing on the planet, and Parisa wants to check her e-mail. These chicks are a total mess -- as self-centered as imaginable. There should be lots of fights this season.

Spencer Pratt is a Loser

The Hills premiere was nothing short of explosive. The sex tape rumors were front and center, with Lauren denying what I reported about the tape months ago and blaming Heidi for starting the rumor. Spencer looks really gay, with his terrible hair coloring and big fake horse teeth. He's still a total loser, claiming that Lauren can't get into clubs without him and Heidi. The usual hangers on were there -- Brody Jenner and Frankie Delgado (of MTV's short-lived show twentyfourseven). Lauren tells Heidi that she and Spencer are "sick people" who "started a sick rumor about me" and topped it off by telling Heidi that Spencer brainwashed her. Good times. Spencer bought a fake engagement ring for Heidi. One of the odd things about the second episode is Audrina going out with a total loser, Justin Bobby. He's a major loser -- dirty, beret wearing and possibly gay. Take a bath, dude.

Newport Harbor

Every time MTV pulls out another reality show with high school kids, it's nearly impossible to tell them apart for the first three or four episodes. Same with Newport Harbor, the Laguna Beach copycat show on Wednesday nights. The girls say "like" several times in each sentence, and the guys say "dude" and "stoked" a lot and generally sound like stoners. The girls all seemed interested in this guy Clay. Why he is interesting to them escapes me, kind of like the guy on last season's Laguna Beach who was such a tool yet the chicks liked him. What was his name? Cameron, as I recall. Unlike any of the kids in Laguna Beach, one of this season's cast members actually has parents who seem to care about her and try to set some limits on her behavior. Chrissy's parents went with her and the kids to Palm Springs and grounded her when she brought a boy into the room.

Rock Wins Hell's Kitchen

Rock won Hell's Kitchen, beating out Bonnie to be Chef Gordon Ramsey's choice.

Memo to Dustin: The Pawn Always Goes Home

Dustin made the colossal mistake of offering himself up as a pawn on Big Brother and was, naturally, voted off. His exact words were that he would be a "courtesy flush to the piece of crap next to me" and that he felt a "twinge of a risk." What a moron. Of course, not as big a moron as Amber, who admitted to Eric (who has two nipple piercings) that she twice told her boyfriend she was pregnant when she wasn't. It's okay to keep some things private, nutjob. Believe it or not, Jen is looking more and more normal all the time in comparison to the rest of the house. Evil Dick has started acting like the Father of the Year to Daniele after being a horrible father for years. Daniele won Head of Household for next week, swinging the momentum back entirely to her and E.D.

Top Chef Update

Ever since The Restaurant was on tv, I have had a negative impression of Rocco DiSpirito. He was just such a bad leader that trying to watch him run a restaurant was painful. Nevertheless, he appeared on Top Chef to promote a frozen Italian food line. The contestants were paired up for the competition, which involved creating their own frozen Italian food. Joey, the Italian guy, lost and was told to pack up his knives and go. The following week, the guest judge was one of the more normal guest judges, i.e., not as arrogant as most of the chefs, Govind Armstrong of Table 8. They thought they were getting the night off to go clubbing, but instead, they had to cook in mobile trailers for late night clubbers. Trey wins and Sara is sent home. This week, the eight remaining contestants were split into two teams and given a raw space in which to create their own restaurant. Brian and Dale, who worked the front of the house, were the worst two, but the judges did not send either of them home.

Spencer Gives Heidi a Fake Ring

Apparently, when loser Spencer Pratt went to buy The Hills' Heidi Montag an engagement ring at a mall in Brentwood on the last episode, he bought a fake. The big pink diamond in the middle is really a fake. I never believed their whole relationship and engagement and think it's strictly a made for tv deal so he can try to pimp his so-called record management company and she can try to sell records.

Bachelor Engagement Called Off

One of the interesting things about blogging is that you can tell through services like Sitemeter how people come to find your blog. Months after The Bachelor ended, people are still searching for news about the show every day. I am sorry to have to update you all with the news that Andy Baldwin and Tessa Horst have called off their engagement. I didn't expect it to last - they didn't seem to have the right chemistry, mostly because he's pretty stiff and boring.

Criss Angel and Britney Spears?

Magician Criss Angel has been hooking up with Britney Spears lately. Britney is a washed up, out of control skank, but even so, Criss Angel has got to be thinking that she's out of his league.