Friday, December 28, 2007

Real World Hollywood

For the next season of The Real World, MTV didn't even bother to pretend that the cast members aren't wannabe actors. The show will be set in Hollywood and feature a cast of talentless actors.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt Break Off Engagement

The Hills' Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have broken off their engagement. For some reason, Us Magazine thought this news was worthy of a cover story, with a picture of Heidi pretending to pout. It's a fairly open secret that The Hills is, unfortunately, not the most "real" reality tv show on the planet, but it's fun to watch anyway.

Mischa Barton Drove While On Pot, Pills and Booze

Add The O.C.'s Marissa Cooper Mischa Barton to the list of celebrities who can afford to take a taxi and/or limo but instead choose to drive while under the influence, in Mischa's case booze, pot and pills.

Spencer Pratt Pretends to be Nice

Spencer Pratt, loser co-star of The Hills and part of a fake showmance with Heidi Montag, has been trying to rehabilitate his reputation by pretending to be nice. He served food to the homeless on Christmas and handed out cash in a North Carolina school.

Friday, December 14, 2007

The Sports Guy on Isaac from Real World Sydney

The Sports Guy nominates Isaac Stout from the Real World Sydney for Coolest Newcomer of the Year. (Click link and scroll down two thirds of the page to the Niners over Vikings heading.)

Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Bachelor: After the Final Rose Audience Seemed Surprised Another Bachelor Fails at Romance

The audience for The Bachelor: After the Final Rose seemed wildly clueless the other night. They actually appeared irritated that Brad had dissed Jenni and DeAnna, apparently oblivious to the fact that every other Bachelor season has resulted in failure. (Yes, I understand that Byron and Mary claim to still be together, but she was arrested for beating the crap out of Byron on Wednesday -- not a picture of stability). Do they not understand that that's exactly what happens every season on The Bachelor? And give Bachelor Brad Womack a break. If he didn't want to marry Jenni or DeAnna, he was right to break it off with both rather than keep up the charade because the cameras were rolling.

Linda Divorcing Hulk Hogan Before Lawsuit Against Nick Drains Bank Account

The Immortal Hulk Hogan, fourteen time Heavyweight Champion of the World, was sucker punched with divorce papers from his wife Linda. Hogan claimed not to know about it until reporters "knocked the bottom out" of him. The timing of her filing papers seems interesting -- could it be that she's worried that a potential lawsuit against minor child Nick for drunkenly crashing his car and turning his non-seatbelt-wearing passenger into a vegetable will drain the Hulkster's community property?

Mary Beats The Crap Out of The Bachelor Byron

Mary from The Bachelor -- stage name Mary Delgado and real name Maribel Liliana Delgado -- was arrested for beating the crap out of The Bachelor Byron Velvick the day after they lovingly appeared on a special edition of this season's series entitled After the Final Rose. I've posted her mugshot on the left. It is consistent with my belief that so many people on tv, whether they are real actors or reality tv characters, are nowhere near as attractive in real life as they appear to be on tv. She appeared on Bachelor Brad Womack's After the Final Rose show on Tuesday with Byron to discuss her engagement and future marriage to Byron and then punched him in the mouth the next night. It's hard to figure these two out. Most Bachelor couples, obviously, either are not into each other but pretend to be for the sake of the show or are but then the Bachelor realizes after the show that he can all of a sudden get girls he couldn't before the show so he dumps the girl (see Bob Guiney). These two never seemed to fit into either category.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Spencer Pratt is Full of Himself

The Hills' Spencer Pratt is positively oozing self-esteem. Or is that self-delusion? “I would do reality TV forever,” Spence said in the latest issue of Life & Style. “It’s so much cooler to have people come up to me and be like 'Spencer Pratt' than to be Orlando Bloom, who’s famous for being some pirate.” If Orlando bothered to bicker back, his reply would probably sound like, “Spencer who?” Link here (scroll down).

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Jenni from The Bachelor's Resume

Here is a link to the resume of The Bachelor contestant Jenni Croft. The other bachelorettes don't like her because Brad Womack obviously likes and is attracted to her, so they make up little criticisms of her like the dreaded "she's here for the wrong reasons." In the world of reality dating shows, that seems to be the worst form of slander for some reason. A bachelorette can call another girl the worst names imaginable and they'll hug and make up within five minutes, but if one suggests that another is "here for the wrong reasons," it starts World War III. Jenni has done a lot of minor tv, modeling and dancing work and must move around a lot from city to city, which makes her question to Brad about whether she could stay in Phoenix for a year before moving to Austin a little suspicious.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Lauren Conrad's Clothing Line

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne's Weird Assisted Suicide Pact

Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne have entered into a mutual assisted suicide pact. “Ozzy and I have absolutely come to the same decision. We believe 100 percent in euthanasia so have drawn up plans to go to the assisted suicide flat in Switzerland if we ever have an illness that affects our brains. If Ozzy or I ever got Alzheimer's, that's it — we'd be off,” she revealed to the paper. “We gathered the kids around the kitchen table, told them our wishes and they've all agreed to go with it.”

Question for Sharon: How will you tell if Ozzy has an illness that affects his brain? He's practically a vegetable already from decades of massive drug use.

Interview with Daniele from Big Brother 8

Here is an interview with Big Brother 8 runner up Daniele. I am shocked to report that her boyfriend is now an ex-boyfriend.

Biggest Loser Can Still Inspire Audiences

The Biggest Loser is an underrated show. Commentary here.

Rachel Ray's "So You Think You Can Cook"

Rachel Ray is launching "So You Think You Can Cook?" — a nationwide search for an enterprising foodie. "We just want to give a person — a real person, not a chef or somebody specially trained to do this for a living — a shot at showing everybody their personality and how much fun you can have with food," Ray, 39, said in a telephone interview Wednesday with The Associated Press. Ray and her producers will narrow the field of candidates to five promising cooks, who will undergo two weeks of intense competitions and challenges before a winner is announced on the air in late November.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Heidi Montag Denies That Implants are Revenge

Heidi Montag denies that her breast implants are revenge, despite posing with her cover shot of Us Magazine with the bold headline "Revenge Plastic Surgery."

While the headline on the cover of the new Us Weekly screams “Plastic Surgery Revenge,” Heidi told “Access” that a troubled body image led to her decision to undergo breast augmentation and a nose job. In fact, she revealed that she was shocked by the use of the word “revenge.” “It’s a headline and that’s what sells magazines,” Heidi conceded. “It’s not like, ‘Let’s get plastic surgery for fun.’ It was something that was really painful and tormenting for me throughout my life.”

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Big Brother Houseguests Paid $750 Per Week

The houseguests receive a stipend for each week they’re in the house, and also for the time they spend sequestered as part of the jury. Thus, the houseguests tend to be anxious to make it least to sequester; there, they get paid to just relax, not play a game or eat oatmeal “slop.” If they’re evicted earlier, they don’t get that additional jury-duty pay.

This season, Jen confirmed that the stipend was $750 per week when she was considering refusing to go to the sequester house, and that’s been the standard stipend for nearly every season (for last year’s all-star season, the stipend was reported to have increased to $4,000 per week).

A jury member for Big Brother 8 would be in the house for 81 days as of Tuesday, the live finale. That’s 11.5 weeks, not including the time they spent sequestered before the series began. So, jury members would receive somewhere around $9,000 for their work, plus any prizes. America’s Player, Eric, earned $40,000 performing his tasks, for example, while Dustin took $5,000 during a competition. And, of course, there are the prizes: $500,000 for the winner, Dick, and $25,000 for the runner-up, Daniele.

Monday, September 24, 2007

The Bachelor Starts Tonight

Don't forget that The Bachelor starts tonight.

Bachelor Andy Baldwin Moves on from Tessa Horst

The Bachelor's Andy Baldwin has moved on quickly after breaking up with winner Tessa Horst.

Survivor Johnnie Fairplay and Girlfriend Expecting Baby

Survivor's Jon Dalton, also known as Jonny Fairplay, and his girlfriend, Michelle Deighton from America's Next Top Model, are expecting a baby.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Wall Street Journal Column on Kid Nation

The Wall Street Journal has a column on Kid Nation:
Let's start with the parents who dragged their little darlings into audition rooms in the first place and signed the yard-long contracts on their behalf. These "guardians" are now complaining about everything from too little oversight (resulting in at least one child drinking bleach) to too much oversight (some of the youngsters were reportedly fed scripted lines). Don't be surprised, though, if they hire a lawyer and start shaking down the network for some postcontractual compensation.

The whole controversy has been manna to one group, however--the Screen Actors Guild, which has been looking for an opportunity to clamp down on reality shows, in which nonunion amateurs are said to be stealing from the mouths of Hollywood's professional starving waiters. It's true that the $5,000 stipend paid to each child, which works out to less than $9 an hour, isn't exactly Dakota Fanning cash. But it's more than most 16-year-olds make from their summer jobs.

Reality TV has long been the nemesis of the unions, whose power depended on an entertainment oligopoly that itself is rapidly being blown up by the Internet, YouTube and the like. But if they want to know why shows like "Kid Nation" that at least attempt a family-friendly premise are catching on, here's a clue: A study from the Parents Television Council reported this week that sexual and violent content has climbed to record levels during traditional family programming time, but the most wholesome fare was the reality shows.

Nonetheless, the response to "Kid Nation" is unsurprising in a culture that increasingly tries to protect kids (and not just kids) from everything, including secondhand smoke and sugary bottled juices. The one thing you can't protect kids from is themselves. As the saying goes, kids are people too--with all the mischief included. If that ends up being the lesson of "Kid Nation," it might actually be a useful one.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Fall Reality TV Show Preview

Andy Dehnart has a preview of the fall reality tv shows. Click the link for the latest on Survivor, Kid Nation, The Bachelor, Nashville, The Apprentice, The Biggest Loser, Beauty and the Geek 3, America's Next Top Model, Dancing with the Stars, Kitchen Nightmares, The Search for the Next Great American Band, Oprah's Big Give, Supernanny, Wife Swap, Extreme Home Makeover, and something called Farmer Wants a Wife.

Big Brother 8: Jessica and Jameka on the Block

Eric spent most of last night's episode moping about Jessica's possible eviction. He feels responsible for not taking Zach out last week, as Jessica wanted to do. He's nearly in tears for most of the episode. Jessica makes it clear to Eric that she's irritated with him.

Daniele and Evel Dick have another argument, this time over her occupation as a waitress. Jessica told a story about when she was young she was asked what she wanted to do when she was grown up, and her response was either President of the United States or a waitress. Dick made a joke equating that with a choice between being President or being a stripper. Daniele gave E.D. some attitude over that one.

Dick showed the old guy still has some game when Janelle from seasons 6 and 7 returned to the house for the Golden Power of Veto competition. He flirted her up big time. Janelle said that Dick smells good. I wouldn't think a chain smoking slob like him would smell good. Daniele wins POV (what else is new?) and in the end decides not to use it, keeping Zach's original choices of Jessica and Jameka on the block.

Thursday night is a special double eviction episode. Expect the unexpected.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Trump Wants Paris, Britney and Lindsay on The Apprentice

Building up pre-season buzz for his “Celebrity Apprentice,” Donald Trump wants to invite Hollywood’s bad-girl trifecta to join the show. But is this solely a grab for the headlines, like last month’s Rosie O’Donnell invite? According to an interview with the New York Post’s Page Six, he’s serious.

“We're negotiating with Britney right now.” The Donald told Page Six. (Doesn’t he know that’s almost enough to get a subpoena from K-Fed's lawyer?!) “Can you imagine her doing it? We're not sure what will happen. She's a [expletive] mess. And that little reality show she had did nothing. But she likes the idea of being on television and I think she'd be great.”

Apparently Paris Hilton wants in on the fun. “(She) wants to be on, and we're thinking about it, but I don't know if we're going to do it,” Trump said.

What about LiLo? “Another (expletive) mess,” said the blunt billionaire. “We haven't asked her yet, but I'm going to call her this week. It would be a positive thing for her to do … for all of them,” he boasted to Page Six.

The Hills Aftershow

The Hills Aftershow has the most annoying hosts on the planet, especially the girl. The guy is the son of the funny dad from American Pie. Lauren was embarrassed when asked about the British guy -- that was a tacit admission that she slept with him.

Big Brother 8: Jameka and Jen on the Block

This episode of Big Brother is the one where Amber cried a lot. No, I'm sorry, that's every episode. Please, put us out of our mercy and evict her. Amber convinced herself that she had a vision from God telling her she would win the Golden Power of Veto and be taken off the block. She didn't win, but Daniele took her off and put up Jen in her place. Daniele and Amber will travel to New York to be on The Power of 10 gameshow with Drew Carey. Unless you've been living under a rock, you know this is a new gameshow on CBS. Even with Tivo, there is no getting around the nonstop ads for the show.

Will Temptation Island Return?

Unfortunately, there aren't any plans to revive Temptation Island.

Amazing Race Won't Return Until 2008

The next installment of The Amazing Race has already been filmed, but it won't air until 2008.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Tonight's "The Hills"

Spencer follows up his huge, ugly mural on the wall of the apartment with a vintage game of Centipede. Heidi says those are decisions that should be made together, and Spencer responds that they're "surprises." Justin-Bobby is a total a** to Lauren at drinks, burping loudly at the table also. Audrina writes it off, saying, "But when you look at him do you say, 'there goes a gentleman'?" Heidi finally sacks up and paints over Spencer's beloved mural. Spencer looked like he was about to dismember her for that.

See the poll on the right. Who is a bigger loser -- Spencer or Justin-Bobby? I can't decide for sure. I guess I'll go with Justin-Bobby because Spencer at least (presumably) showers more frequently.

I watched this show live rather than on Tivo, and I have to say, MTV's commercial breaks are unwatchable, more than regular tv.

Paris Hilton to Star in Celebrity Big Brother in UK

Paris Hilton is reportedly landing a $600,000 deal to star in the UK's celebrity version of Big Brother.

K-Fed to Star on One Tree Hill

One Tree Hill is sliding further downhill. K-Fed (Kevin Federline) has signed on to guest star on the show.

The Next Bachelor: Texas Bar Owner Brad Womack

The next Bachelor is Texas bar owner Brad Womack. He owns the bar in Austin where the Real World Austin cast went all the time.

Cease and Desist Letter Over Big Brother Airplane Banners

Big Brother had its lawyers send a cease and desist letter to the operator of an airplane banner advertising company demanding that it stop flying banners over the Big Brother 8 house.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Amber and Jameka on the Block

To no one's surprise, Daniele put Amber and Jameka on the block this week. Daniele says that Jen is her real target, so look for her to be put up as a replacement if Amber or Jameka are taken off after the POV competition. This time, Daniele's HOH room did not have any pictures of her boyfriend. There was an old picture of E.D., who ridiculed his old hair. Odd, because his current hairdo isn't the best either. Daniele had a love note from Nick, complete with glitter, sparkles and highlighting, straight from 4th grade. Amber constantly asks people in the house what simple everyday words mean. She must have really fried her brain on drugs.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Geek Gets Tattoos of Favorite Bloggers

Unbelievable. Feel free to tattoo Reality TV News Blog anywhere you want to.

Real World Sydney

The Real World Sydney cast is southern and slutty. Dunbar and Cuhotta are southern guys. Isaac is an ex-convict -- can't wait until the girls find out they're living with a criminal. Trisha, Shauvon and KellyAnn are slutty girls, and Parisa is an uptight Iranian girl. Breaking with tradition, this season does not have a black and a gay. In a weird hookup, Isaac and Shauvon hooked up in the confession room. It went far enough that he had his trousers down. Trisha has already decided to take a break from her U.S. boyfriend -- gee, I didn't see that coming -- since when do Real Worlders take breaks from their girlfriends/boyfriends while filming the show? Her eyebrows are very strangely plucked. Trisha and Shauvon go out with two Aussie guys. Parisa gets so loaded off of two drinks that Dunbar has to carry her home over his shoulder. The girls get in a senseless fight because Trisha is on the computer non-stop waiting for an e-mail from the boyfriend she just told she wanted a break from, as if that is the most important thing on the planet, and Parisa wants to check her e-mail. These chicks are a total mess -- as self-centered as imaginable. There should be lots of fights this season.

Spencer Pratt is a Loser

The Hills premiere was nothing short of explosive. The sex tape rumors were front and center, with Lauren denying what I reported about the tape months ago and blaming Heidi for starting the rumor. Spencer looks really gay, with his terrible hair coloring and big fake horse teeth. He's still a total loser, claiming that Lauren can't get into clubs without him and Heidi. The usual hangers on were there -- Brody Jenner and Frankie Delgado (of MTV's short-lived show twentyfourseven). Lauren tells Heidi that she and Spencer are "sick people" who "started a sick rumor about me" and topped it off by telling Heidi that Spencer brainwashed her. Good times. Spencer bought a fake engagement ring for Heidi. One of the odd things about the second episode is Audrina going out with a total loser, Justin Bobby. He's a major loser -- dirty, beret wearing and possibly gay. Take a bath, dude.

Newport Harbor

Every time MTV pulls out another reality show with high school kids, it's nearly impossible to tell them apart for the first three or four episodes. Same with Newport Harbor, the Laguna Beach copycat show on Wednesday nights. The girls say "like" several times in each sentence, and the guys say "dude" and "stoked" a lot and generally sound like stoners. The girls all seemed interested in this guy Clay. Why he is interesting to them escapes me, kind of like the guy on last season's Laguna Beach who was such a tool yet the chicks liked him. What was his name? Cameron, as I recall. Unlike any of the kids in Laguna Beach, one of this season's cast members actually has parents who seem to care about her and try to set some limits on her behavior. Chrissy's parents went with her and the kids to Palm Springs and grounded her when she brought a boy into the room.

Rock Wins Hell's Kitchen

Rock won Hell's Kitchen, beating out Bonnie to be Chef Gordon Ramsey's choice.

Memo to Dustin: The Pawn Always Goes Home

Dustin made the colossal mistake of offering himself up as a pawn on Big Brother and was, naturally, voted off. His exact words were that he would be a "courtesy flush to the piece of crap next to me" and that he felt a "twinge of a risk." What a moron. Of course, not as big a moron as Amber, who admitted to Eric (who has two nipple piercings) that she twice told her boyfriend she was pregnant when she wasn't. It's okay to keep some things private, nutjob. Believe it or not, Jen is looking more and more normal all the time in comparison to the rest of the house. Evil Dick has started acting like the Father of the Year to Daniele after being a horrible father for years. Daniele won Head of Household for next week, swinging the momentum back entirely to her and E.D.

Top Chef Update

Ever since The Restaurant was on tv, I have had a negative impression of Rocco DiSpirito. He was just such a bad leader that trying to watch him run a restaurant was painful. Nevertheless, he appeared on Top Chef to promote a frozen Italian food line. The contestants were paired up for the competition, which involved creating their own frozen Italian food. Joey, the Italian guy, lost and was told to pack up his knives and go. The following week, the guest judge was one of the more normal guest judges, i.e., not as arrogant as most of the chefs, Govind Armstrong of Table 8. They thought they were getting the night off to go clubbing, but instead, they had to cook in mobile trailers for late night clubbers. Trey wins and Sara is sent home. This week, the eight remaining contestants were split into two teams and given a raw space in which to create their own restaurant. Brian and Dale, who worked the front of the house, were the worst two, but the judges did not send either of them home.

Spencer Gives Heidi a Fake Ring

Apparently, when loser Spencer Pratt went to buy The Hills' Heidi Montag an engagement ring at a mall in Brentwood on the last episode, he bought a fake. The big pink diamond in the middle is really a fake. I never believed their whole relationship and engagement and think it's strictly a made for tv deal so he can try to pimp his so-called record management company and she can try to sell records.

Bachelor Engagement Called Off

One of the interesting things about blogging is that you can tell through services like Sitemeter how people come to find your blog. Months after The Bachelor ended, people are still searching for news about the show every day. I am sorry to have to update you all with the news that Andy Baldwin and Tessa Horst have called off their engagement. I didn't expect it to last - they didn't seem to have the right chemistry, mostly because he's pretty stiff and boring.

Criss Angel and Britney Spears?

Magician Criss Angel has been hooking up with Britney Spears lately. Britney is a washed up, out of control skank, but even so, Criss Angel has got to be thinking that she's out of his league.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Newport Harbor Starts Tonight

Don't forget that Newport Harbor debuts tonight after The Real World Sydney on MTV.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Don't Forget The Hills Starts Tonight

Reminder: The Hills Season 3 starts tonight.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Big Brother: Kail and Nick on the Block

Mike was voted out after making the dumbest move in Big Brother 8 history, trying to be nominated for eviction to prove he is true to his alliance with Kail. He proved his truthfulness all the way out to Julie Chen's couch outside the Big Brother house.

Daniele and Nick have taken their flirting to the next level. He has been all up in her grill about how much he likes her, and they finally made out, loudly I might add, last week.

Dustin, the new Head of Household, wants to target Jen, Kail, Zach and Nick. He seems to be getting gayer and gayer every day. He cries uncontrollably after receiving a letter from his brother in the HOH room -- weird. Amber is a total mess and cries nonstop. Everyone dislikes Zach and leaves the area whenever he is around.

Dustin nominates Jen and Kail, telling Kail she's a pawn and that he really wants Zach gone. Jameka wins the Golden Power of Veto, but the story of the competition is everyone getting mad at Dustin for taking a trip to Barbados and $5,000 in cash rather than winning POV. What idiots. He is the HOH. He shouldn't care that much about the POV to where he turns down a free trip and cash. Jameka claims that she will play for Jen because God wants her to, and she stays true to her (bizarre) word and takes Jen off the block. As Dick says, does she think God has nothing better to do than to worry about Jameka playing a game for some skanky chick.

Dustin puts Nick up, so Nick or Kail will be eliminated on Thursday.

Age of Love: Amanda Wins

I'm only half kidding with that post title. It's down to the final two. Age of Love's Mark Philippoussis has to chose between a 48 year old, Jen, and a 25 year old, Amanda. There is no question that he will pick Amanda. This is a cheese ball guy who has never dated anyone older than her early 20s. The only way he'll pick the cougar is if he thinks he has a bad reputation and that picking someone old enough to be his mother will somehow help improve his image. This has made the whole show tough to watch, knowing that he has no real interest in the older women but has to go through the motions of pretending to like them. Next Monday is the season finale.

Scott Baio is 45 and Single

The premise of Scott Baio is 45 and Single is that Chachi has cheated on all his girlfriends over the years and now wants to decide if settling down is right for him. This leads him to hire a life coach and to be celibate during the filming of the show. Judging by the fact that he wears cheesy gold chains and hasn't had a decent job on tv since Charles in Charge 30 years ago, it shouldn't be that hard for him to remain celibate, but we're all supposed to play along with the premise. He calls and visits his exes, including Joanie, who no longer loves Chachi, and Julie McCullough, who has not aged well since her days on Growing Pains.

Rock of Love: Degenerates

Rock of Love has to be the worst show in the history of reality tv. As I predicted, the show has taken reality tv to a new low. The women are unbelievable skanks who sit around drinking and cat fighting all day. I won't even comment on the elimination challenge, which let's just say involved phone sex and the measurement of Bret Michaels' response to the conversation. I can't watch this crap any more.

Hell's Kitchen: Bonnie Versus Rock

On Hell's Kitchen, chef Gordon Ramsey sent Julia home but promised to pay for her to go to culinary school, saying she can be a great chef but that she just doesn't have the fine dining experience necessary (she is a short order cook at Waffle House). Chef Ramsey introduced the remaining three, Bonnie, Rock and Jen, to his mother, then brought out the contestants' parents to judge the next contest. Jen won, earning lunch with her family and the Chef and a $1,000 gift certificate to a restaurant supply store. She is a bit of a mess, always crying at the drop of a hat. For the elimination food service, the three acted as chefs rather than cooks. Chef told the sous chefs to purposely make mistakes to see if the pretend chefs caught them. In the end, Jen was sent home, leaving Bonnie and Rock as the final two.

Pirate Master Axed; Cast Member Commits Suicide

CBS has put Pirate Master out of its misery, axing it before the season ended. If a show can't survive during the summer months when nothing but reruns are on, it has to be bad. For some reason, the producers convinced the cast to pretend that they were really pirates, so the contestants kept slipping in and out of talking relatively normally or talking like pretend pirates. Louie was the only one who kept up the charade consistently. Nothing beat the unintentional comedy of dreadlocked wacko Azmyth adopting a terrible British accent when he became Captain. Contestant Cheryl Kosewicz, the fourth pirate eliminated from the show, committed suicide, two months after her boyfriend killed himself.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Big Brother 8: Kail and Mike on the Block

Evil Dick has been stirring up trouble in the Big Brother house. He was on the block against Joe and survived by a vote of 9 to 1, with only Kail voting for him to be evicted. Joe hugged everyone as he left except for his former lover Dustin, who likes wearing a skin tight t-shirt with a very low cut v-neck that shows a lot of his cleavage. For some reason, the houseguests always try to dress up on Thursday nights -- is seeing Julie Chen that significant that they need to dress up for her?

Dick went from the chopping block to the Head of Household room, winning HOH after the elimination vote.

Nick is gay. He has a list of his top five guys he'd like to have sex with "if I was gay." He told Daniele that he doesn't have a list of top five girls because he replaced all five with her when he met her. I don't think he ever really had a girl list. No straight guy has a contingency list of guys he wants to be with just in case he switches teams.

Dick nominated Kail because she lied to him and voted for him to be eliminated and Jen because she put him on the block. Dick tells everyone in the house over and over, including Kail, that he wants Kail evicted. Jen won power of veto, and Dick put Mike up for eviction. Mike was the only one working with Kail against Dick during the POV competition. Eventually, Dick gave up and told Mike he was going on the block -- "Welcome to the block."

Daniele tells Dick he's irritating everyone in the house being so angry. They argue, and he offers to go to family counseling after the show is over.

Eric has two nipple piercings.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Victoria Beckham: Please Leave America

I can't imagine two people I care less about that Victoria Beckham a/k/a Posh Spice and David Beckham, who recently appeared in an NBC special, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America. David is gay and has way too many tattoos. Since he's moved to Los Angeles to play soccer, the tv networks are going to try to cram soccer down our throats even though people could care less about it, the way they do with the WNBA and other women's sports.

Posh likes to hang out by the pool in weird black outfits with her makeup artist and hair stylist -- they accompany her everywhere. She seems to go out of her way to be followed by the paparazzi, no doubt having her assistants tip off the paparazzi to her every move, yet on camera pretends to complain about them. I mean let's face it, this is Posh Spice -- you're not that big a deal.

She visited Perez Hilton and, in response to his question, denied that Tom Cruise is trying to convert them to Scientology. Yeah right. Tom Cruise isn't hanging out with you because he likes you -- there's no doubt a deal that they'll pretend to just be friends to make it seem more normal to the public and then, bam, they'll be forced to announce to the world that they've joined the cult and tell us all how great Scientology is. You heard it here first. The second the paparazzi starts getting a little thin around Posh's new house, she'll play the Scientology card to put herself back in the spotlight.

Posh went to a Beverly Hills ladies luncheon. The old ladies with way too much plastic surgery made Posh look like an intellectual. She was horribly awkward at the Dodgers game. She throws not like a girl but like a shot putter. She couldn't seriously have been trying to throw the ball.

Fat Guys Win on Top Chef

Top Chef sneaks up on you as one of the better shows on tv in a low key way. The highlight of last week's Quickfire Challenge was Hung running around like a mad man in the kitchen, as he is prone to do. Joey, the fat guy with hair, had some pastry experience and won the challenge, which involved pie crust.

For the elimination challenge, the contestants had to cook latin food for Telemundo tv "stars." Howie decided to use pork again, and Joey questioned Howie's overuse of pork dishes. The time allowed was cut in half at the last minute unexpectedly. The other fat guy, Howie, won. The judges expressed concern over Hung's attitude. In the end, Lia was told to "please pack your knives and go."

Next week's guest judge is Rocco DiSpirito, of The Restaurant infamy.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Big Brother Update

I'm way behind on Big Brother 8 updates, so here goes.

Dick suggests that Daniele has an eating disorder. That's obvious, but she probably doesn't need her dad pointing it out on national television. I predict that her eating disorder will come to fruition on the show and that the houseguests will try to intervene.

decides to keep the fact that she's a Joe and Dustin continue to debate the gonorrhea issue. Kail decides to keep the fact that she is a multibusiness owner a secret. Somehow, I have a feeling that none of her businesses are all that successful. Her terrible grammar should help keep her success a secret. She says, for example, that "three houseguests was not able to compete."

Jen has a massive meltdown over her stupid picture on the wall. She keeps crying that she's never taken a worse picture, and she covers it with paper. Dick is a huge name dropper. In a great sequence, they show clip after clip of him dropping names. Did you know he's been to dinner with Cher? Whoop tee doo. Mike, Kail, Zach and Nick form an alliance. In the first food competition, the girls do not want Dick touching them. Can't blame them. Kail nominates Carol and Amber out of what she calls a "spirit of fairness." Amber, a major whiner, doesn't think Kail should have put her up because they're both mothers. Amber has a major meltdown over her nomination. She needs to pull herself together more. It's only a tv show, honey. She's kind of a skank.

Evil Dick wears black nail polish. Jen tells people that Nick tried to kiss her. She wears great t-shirts with sayings like Jenuine, I'm a Jenius, Jenth Degree and I'm a Member of Jensa. Daniele wins the first power of veto but chooses not to use it.

They show Eric's family and friends. They are not happy that he's America's Player out of concern that this will throw off his game strategy. He loves the show and has always wanted to be on it. He's one of the few houseguests who is not an out of work actor or model trying to make a name for himself.

Carol is voted out, and Jen wins Head of Household. Jen was the only person to vote to evict Amber. Everyone in the house hates Jen, so they're not happy she's HOH. Zach, Mike and Dustin play a drinking game where they each take a drink every time Jen says the word "I." They do this in front of Jen, and she's too self-absorbed to catch on. In the HOH room, Jen has a minor meltdown that the pictures provided aren't better shots of her, putting the only picture with her mother in a drawer. You can tell she's pissed that they didn't fill the room with her cheesy modeling glamor shots.

Nick continues to flirt with Daniele. He gives her the key to his suitcase and calls it the key to his heart. Lame-o. Dick continues to attack Jen as much as he can. He doesn't hold much back with her, calling her an inconsiderate bitch and saying he'll make her the most miserable bitch in the house. Jen nominates Dick and Daniele, citing the "negative atmosphere" they bring to the house.

Daniele points out, rightly, that Jen is just jealous, or should I say Jenlous, that Nick wants Daniele over Jen. Mike and Zach are worried that Nick is too p-whipped by Daniele. Amber is a mess over the Power of Veto competition because she has to compete. Jameka tells her to pull herself together. Daniele once again wins POV and takes herself off the block. As part of the POV, Jen has to wear a skin tight unitard for a week, which she loves. Jen puts Joe up in Daniele's spot, so on Thursday, it's Evil Dick or Joe who will be evicted.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Big Brother Houseguests' MySpace Links

In the links section in the right sidebar, I've added links to some of the Big Brother 8 houseguests' MySpace pages. As you might guess, many of them are aspiring actors and/or models, despite what the show lists as their occupations. I guess reality shows hesitate to admit that nearly 100% of their cast members are out of work actors or models hoping for a little exposure. (Hat tip: BigBrotherFansUnite).

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Melrose Place Update

People Magazine has a cover story on Melrose Placethis week. I looked for the story on People's website and couldn't find it. People is one of the those annoying magazines that doesn't give everything away for free, so I think you need to buy the magazine to read the article.

Top Chef Star Padma Lakshmi and Salman Rushdie are Divorcing

Padma Lakshmi, host of Bravo's "Top Chef," and recently knighted author Salman Rushdie are getting divorced.

I can't mention Salman Rushdie's name without thinking of Kramer in that Seinfeld episode.

The 60-year-old "Satanic Verses" author and the 36-year-old former model were married in 2004 in New York City. It was his fourth marriage.

"Salman Rushdie has agreed to divorce his wife, Padma Lakshmi, because of her desire to end their marriage," the couple's rep told Reuters. "He asks that the media respect his privacy at this difficult time."

News of the Rushdie-Lakshmi divorce comes just weeks after several momentous events for the couple. On June 16, Rushdie was awarded a knighthood by Queen Elizabeth, 18 years after the Ayatollah Khomeini proclaimed a fatwa on the author, leading to a breakdown in diplomatic relations between the United Kingdom and Iran. Just days earlier, Bravo premiered "Top Chef: Miami," Lakshmi's second season as host.

Rushdie's novels include the Booker Prize-winning "Midnight's Children," "The Satanic Verses," "The Ground Beneath Her Feet" and, most recently, "Shalimar the Clown."

In addition to her "Top Chef" gig, Lakshmi has written several bestselling cook books, including most recently Tangy, Tart, Hot and Sweet: A World of Recipes for Every Day, and appeared in the feature "Glitter."

Big Brother 8 First Episode

This summer's Big Brother 8 looks like it will be a good season. Julie Chen is the host once again. Coincidentally, she is married to the president of CBS.

The first episode began with 11 of the houseguests entering the house. Three houseguests were already in an upstairs room where they watched the other 11. The big twist this season is that three sets of guests know each other and have unresolved issues from the past.

Joe, the male receptionist from Chicago who happens to be gay, had a bad breakup with Dustin. Dustin is isolated in the upstairs room and tells America that Joe has gigantic nipples. Joe later reveals that he "immaculately conceived gonorrhea" from Dustin. Good times. These two are such drama queens they make Marcellas from Big Brothers 3 and 7 look macho. I see Joe and Dustin cat fighting for two or three weeks, after which if they are both still in the house they will make up and rekindle their relationship. You heard it here first.

Evil Dick is a 44 year old freak. His 20 year old daughter Daniele is in the house. Dick seems completely unconcerned that he is estranged from his daughter and actively roots against her in the Head of Household competition, cheering when she is eliminated. You would think that a father, even one who is not close to his daughter, would at least want her to win, or to come in second if he wins. Not Evil Dick. Hey, Dick, it's time to grow up, stop getting ugly tattoos, pull the earrings out of your ears and eyebrows and be nice to your daughter.

Carol and Jessica had a dispute over $5 years ago and have been enemies ever since. Their dislike for each other seems a little fake.

Eric is "America's Player," meaning that the viewers secretly control what he does in the house.

Kail won the HOH competiton.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Survivor Convention Planned

Survivor: Fiji's Yau-Man Chan says that CBS is organizing a Survivor convention for die-hard fans of the show. It's geeky, but at least Survivor is a current show on tv. Trekkies dress up in their Spock outfits and go to Star Trek conventions when that show hasn't been on the air for who knows how many years.

Thursday, July 5, 2007